A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside. — Winnie the Pooh

Aging Often Means Losing Those Around Us

Growing old is a contradiction: It brings us more experiences — and perhaps wisdom — but also confronts us with more death. Making an effort to stay healthy and connected can lead to increased longevity and add to time living in our homes and community. But, as we age, so do the people around us, meaning we will have more experiences with death the older we get.

What’s the most difficult part of getting older? For me, it’s not my aches and pains. It’s not my frequent trips to Boston for medical procedures. It’s not the weakness in my hands preventing me from opening a jar of pickles! Not even close. The simple but very profound answer: losing friends.

What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it. — C.S. Lewis*

Importance of Friends as We Age

Good friends are good for our health. Multiple studies have found that older adults who have meaningful relationships and social support are more likely to live longer and be healthier than their peers who have fewer connections.

According to an article published in Frontiers in Psychology, "A review of 38 studies found that adult friendships, especially high-quality ones that provide social support and companionship, significantly predict well-being and can protect against mental health issues such as depression and anxiety—and those benefits persist across the life span." The authors of the article concluded that, "the most significant contribution of friendship to peoples' lives is the initiation and acceleration of the processes from which wellbeing emerges."

Words are easy, like the wind; faithful friends are hard to find. — William Shakespeare*

10 Health Benefits of Close Friendships

Friends play a crucial role in the overall well-being of older adults, providing numerous health benefits that contribute to a higher quality of life. Friends can help:

• Reduce the risk of depression

• Improve cognitive function

• Enhance immune function

• Increase longevity

• Avoid loneliness and Isolation

• Encourage healthy behaviors

• Our sense of purpose and belonging

• Reduce stress

• Ongoing learning and growth

• Support us through tough challenges and grief

And perhaps most important, friends make us happy!

Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.— Virginia Woolf*

Disenfranchised Loss & Grief

For some of us, the death of a friend is much more difficult than the death of a family member. Losing a friend that you have chosen to make part of your life can be heartbreaking, but others may not recognize the death as important. This can be isolating and cause you to internalize the grief.

In fact, research has documented the impact of losing friends, especially in older adults. In one study of people age 80 and older, the authors found that, "those bereft of siblings only suffered from a mild, short-term deterioration in functional status; those who had lost a close friend suffered a very significant increase in depressive symptoms."

In another study, "Death of a Close Friend", the researchers looked at the impact of death on the physical, psychological and social well-being of the deceased's close friends. According to the authors, "The data show a range of negative and enduring consequences experienced by people following the death of a close friend. Significant adverse physical and psychological well-being, poorer mental health and social functioning occur up to four years following bereavement." Since the death of friends is a universal phenomenon, the authors of the paper reflected on the "need to recognize the death of a close friend as a substantial experience, and to offer support and services to address this disenfranchised grief."

Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you; spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life. — Amy Poehler

Falmouth + Covid + Zoom = New Friends

I have never been much of a social animal; to me hell would be a cocktail party for eternity! But after moving to Falmouth and getting involved in the town’s fabric of volunteerism, I met many people who I enjoyed working and socializing with. In the early days of the pandemic, along with my wife I learned how to use Zoom and began to develop a close and meaningful relationship with a small group of like-minded people who, in the past four years, have become my closest friends. People I have grown to love and trust. People who ask me how I am and stay around to hear my answer. People who have taught me new things and tolerate my rambling about movies and healthy eating. And, most important, this small of group of friends has enriched my life and made me a better and happier person.

Several weeks ago one of these friends died unexpectedly. Needless to say I was saddened but also surprised by my deep sense of loss. I can’t imagine never seeing him again; never wandering through a museum together; never talking about our favorite books, especially ones written by Willa Cather; and,  never hearing his oohs and aahs when eating one of my new soup recipes. During the coming years I know that I will lose more friends and loved ones, I just hope I am not the last man standing.

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. — Albert Schweitzer